How ya like me now?

Being unemployed is fun!

Dekalb Sanitation Department, 1 - Jennifer, 0 --- For Now

In an earlier blog post, I shared my excitement over the purchase of a new garbage can. My giddiness, however, was tainted with bewilderment over how exactly to dispose of my old decrepit garbage can with the bent wheel axle and salmonella-infused homemade rope handle. Today was my first attempt to throw away said sad can.

Free Trash Can to Good Home

OR

Garbage Man, Please Take

Pretty straight-forward, right? I even put a little "Not Recyclable" symbol with a sad face, so that I wouldn't be judged by the more rabid environmentalist residents of unincorporated Dekalb County. I wheeled my cans to the curb last night; my new can full of garbage and my sad can with its sharpied sign. Imagine my glee this afternoon upon returning from errand-running to see only my new can sitting by the curb with its lid in the upright position...the universal santitation worker symbol..."we picked up yo' garbage, come get yo' can!" But oh, blog readers, what did I spy when I reached the curb:

Not only did they NOT pick up sad can, they took my sign and hid the can behind a bush! Read my lips, blog readers:

THIS IS WAR!

Letter from a friend

Some background. I worked with Byron in my former life...you know, the one where I had a job? He's been at TMA as long as I had and worked out of the Chattanooga office which I commuted to for over a year. He's one of the nicest guys and was always one of my favorite TMA folks. We had dinner about a month ago when he was in Atlanta for an audit. At the time, I was lamenting about how I had just cancelled my cable. He offered to send me season 1 of the Sopranos on DVD. The package arrived today along with this note. Made me laugh out loud.

I don't have the heart to tell him that I re-upped my cable. :/

This is the life.

Wednesday

I'm considering renaming my blog. Something with a soap opera theme. Some ideas:

As My World Crumbles
Young and The Jobless
Bold and The Medicated
All My Cats

Still working on it. :)

The books I ordered came today! Woot! Don't you just love getting packages? Though after perusing my purchases, there is little doubt that I am on Amazon.com's suicide-watch list.

We've got a jumper.

In other exciting news, I got a new garbage can today! It's one of those heavy duty ones that you get for free if you live in a major metropolitan city. Unincorporated Dekalb County? Not so much.

Isn't it pretty?

Ideal for garbage. Score!

Goodbye, sad can with the homemade handle and bent axle.

That rope handle was toxic, y'all.

Sad, just sad.

My new purchase sparks a question that philosophers have wrestled with since the beginning of time - right up there with "Does God exist?"

How does one throw away a garbage can?

Do I put it in the new garbage can? What if it's recyclable? Do I put it in my blue bin? These are the things that keep me up at night. That and whatever is living in my attic.

Speaking of...as I am writing this at 12:23 a.m. on Thursday morning, the little critter is dancing above my head. I had Bart, my Orkin man and new BFF, put a humane trap up there Monday. Now I'm kind of freaked out that I actually might trap something. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to kill whatever it is, but the thought of it scurrying around and then hearing the trap door slam shut is giving me the creeps. Bart tried to make a deal with me. "If it's a squirrel, we can set it free, but if it's a mouse or rat, you let me take care of it." I agreed to no such thing. I told him that if it is a squirrel, I would let it out in my yard, which I understand makes no sense. But I love my squirrels. Mr. Squirrel greets me every morning in the holly tree, and my boys chatter at him. If it's a rat/mouse/other vermin, I will take him/her to Stone Mountain where we will take in the laser show before I set him/her free.

HA!

three sixty five

I signed up for the 365 project which is where you take a photo every day for one year.  You can follow me here: http://365project.org/jenniferhoskins/365

We'll see how long this lasts.  I have a tendency to get all gung ho about these kind of things, then abandon them when I get bored or distracted.

Exhibit A: My foursquare friends (all 3 of you) are probably concerned that I have been @Home since August 1.  I can assure you, I have left the house in the last 7 days.

Exhibit B: My twitter followers (all 6 of you, 3 of which are spam), think that I have been sitting waiting on my lunch since April 2, 2009.  I'm hungry, but not that hungry.

Exhibit C: The blog. Enough said.

Wish me luck!  Oh, and take a wild guess who the first picture is of.  ♥

random thoughts from the unemployed

Big Lots is the new Target.

My ghetto TV from 2004 needs a digital conveter box. Will have to wait a bit longer to tell Comcast to kick rocks.

When I hear R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" I like to change the lyrics to the following:

I believe I can fly / I believe I can touch this guy

It is quite possible that I haven't dusted the top the entertainment center since April 2005.

Holla, TMA.

For no other reason than to make me smile.

I'll be home tomorrow, lil' peanut.

Universe, my letter must have gotten lost in the mail.

Too tired to write out today's adventure. Was on my way to Nashville for my final business trip for TMA, when my Jeep overheated on the interstate.  Pics should tell the rest of the story fairly well.

I'm stranded in the middle of nowhere and it's hot.

Spa? A dude wearing bib overalls came out of this place.

Lunch.

Danny, my knight in white t-shirt.

 

Happy to be at the Hampton Inn.

Today's adventure...VERTIGO! And I ain't talkin' Hitchcock...

Dear Universe,

Hey, it's me. Hope you are doing well. I know you're very busy, what with being the universe and all, but I just wanted to drop you a quick note. I think I might have offended you. Remember after Chris and I split up and then when I lost my job. Yeah, good times. Well, I seem to remember exclaiming...possibly out loud..."What's next, Universe? BRING IT!!"

Yeeeahhhh, I didn't really mean that. So, could you make my world stop spinning now? Please?

Your friend,
Jennifer

what a difference 664 days make

Christ Almighty. I can't believe the last time I blogged was in September 2008. I sort of feel the need to fill you in on the happenings of 2009, but really, 2009 has NOTHING on 2010. Oh goodness, blog readers, has 2010 ever been a kick in the pants.

Let's just rip the band-aid off and get the big one over with. Chris and I split up after 10 great years together. Split up...that sounds so juvenile. I haven't quite found the right phrase to describe it...broke up, no...DIVORCE sounds so heavy and truly we weren't legally married, obviously. So, I'm sticking with split up for now. You won't see me airing our dirty laundry here...truth be told, our dirty laundry was pretty damn clean. Totally the kind that you could pull out of the hamper, throw in the dryer and wear to work without anyone being the wiser.

We had a great run, and have both handled the situation with dignity and compassion. We are NOT that lesbian couple that's going to get all bitter and crazy. (Fast forward 3 months from now to me standing outside of her window holding a bottle of Arbor Mist in one hand and a boom box blaring "I'm the Only One" by Melissa Etheridge, in the other.)

Oh, but that's not all. If only that was the end of my 2010 drama. Get this...three weeks to the day that Chris and I decided to call it quits, I got laid off...from the job I had for 10 years. DO WHA? I litearlly came back from a week long vacation to no job. And to add insult to injury, the official lay off date was July 14. Y'all, that's my birthday! I mean, seriously, it's so tragic that it's almost funny.  (Fast forward 3 months from now living under a bridge NOT LAUGHING.)

But I am still standing. I'm trying to look at the big picture and realize that my life must have been out of balance somehow and this is the Universe giving me a course correction. I GET IT, OK?!?! What I have learned from this is that I am much stronger than I ever thought I was. And that even though really don't know what the future holds, I'm not really scared. I know that it's all going to be ok.

So, I am single and unemployed. No wait, single, unemployed AND living with 3 cats. Oh snap, I'm 15 minutes away from a fanny pack and an episode of Hoarders.  Ugh.

I will be blogging my life progress and my job hunting progress, as a means of entertainment (for myself mostly, because I do make me laugh) and to keep myself on track. Feel free to follow along. If for no other reason than to have someone else to point at and say, "At least my life isn't as bad as hers!"

I'm here for you, people.

Sunday Night

Guilty Feet Have Got No Rhythm

George Michael flees UK

London - George Michael has fled the UK after being arrested for drug possession. The 'Faith' singer left his $5 million mansion with partner Kenny Goss, carrying six suitcases before heading to London Luton Airport on Tuesday night.

It is believed the 45-year-old star is on his way to his favourite retreat in the South of France, but George's publicist could not confirm his destination, saying: "We don't know where he is going."

An onlooker said: "They looked like they were going away for some time judging by all the luggage they were carrying."

George - who was famously arrested for engaging in a lewd act in a Los Angeles public toilet in 1998 - was found in possession of crack cocaine and marijuana last Friday after a public toilet attendant tipped off police.

But officers decided to let him off with a warning after he "showed remorse" and said further charges would ruin his career.

He later pleaded to his fans for forgiveness, saying in a statement: "I want to apologise to my fans for screwing up again, and to promise them I'll sort myself out. And to say sorry to everybody else, just for boring them."

Meanwhile, singer Boy George - who has also battled drug addiction - has expressed his sympathy with the star.

::sigh::

It's hard enough being a George Michael fan on a good day, people.

And getting sympahty from this guy:

If that's not a wake up call, I don't know what is.

Still love you, GM, but that t-shirt I bought at your concert might have to stay in my dresser drawer a little while longer. I'm sure you understand.

Default Photo Pose, The Remix

Please review my previous blog in which I demonstrated my default photo pose. However, it has come to my attention, that I have TWO default photo poses. This one I call, the "twisty arm lesbian lean."

October 2007

August 2008

Oh, and can I just point out that I'm not the only one with a default photo pose. Mmmmkay?

My Windows Are Clean...Fresh As A Summer's Breeze

So, Chris and I got new windows installed in our house last week. We are thrilled. We've been in our house for 3 years and have never been able to open the windows...they were either painted or nailed shut. This was a big thing.

The window in our shower was the catalyst. Yes, I said the window in our shower...our house was built before the days of central heat and air, so the only way to ventilate was to open a window. Years of water splashing on a wood frame window...wood rot, people. It's a concern. We had resorted to duct taping a huge blue plastic recycling bag over the window to prevent further damage. We are nothing if not classy.

Fast forward to today...I was talking to my sister over IM and mentioned the windows and she said, send pictures! So, I went snapping away and made sure to get a good picture of the one in the bathroom. I uploaded them to Snapfish and was ready to apply witty captions such as ("Bathroom window: Before," "Bathroom window: After") when something caught my eye. Take a good look and see if you see it...

Give up? Let me help you...THERE'S A BIG OL' BOTTLE OF SUMMER'S EVE FEMININE WASH IN THE SHOWER CADDY!! Can't talk your eyes off it now, can you? And it's not just any bottle of feminine wash, it a super-sized bottle that we bought at Costco cause it's cheaper, AND it's UPSIDE DOWN for easy dispensing.

I was about to send this to friends/family/co-workers/the mailman. Oh the humanity!

Skinny Lesbian No Match for Sasquatch, News at 11

Fact: Chris and I are renting a cabin in the North Georgia mountains over Labor Day weekend.

Fact: Two men allegedly have discovered the 7'7" 500 lb. corpse of Sasquatch (hereafter referred to as Bigfoot) in the North Georgia mountains.

Fact: These two men also allege that while they were removing Bigfoot from the area (with plans to place in a freezer, no less), other Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) were seen circling the area.

Although these men have not disclosed the exact location where they found the furry carcass, I can only assume that it was within a 2 mile radius of the cabin we rented. And that the Bigfeet (Bigfoots?) seen circling the area have had plenty of time to plot their revenge.

I'm gonna end up in some Sasquatch's freezer, I just know it.

It's good to be loved...

Wonder when Jennifer is going to update her blog again. Life is just not worth living without it!

I agree. I know there are other blogs out there, but here's how I feel about them!

Please, oh please update your blog soon, Jennifer. If not, we will be forced to do other things...like work.

Ladies, ladies...don't you cry. I promise to blog soon...very soon. Show ya right.

Did you hear that?!?! A blog coming soon!! Now we have a reason to go on! Yippee!!!

saw this on cnn.com and it made me laugh out loud ***UPDATE***

And I'm posting it for no other reason than that.

It's my blog. Deal with it.

***EDIT***

I knew that picture reminded me of something...