80's

Heaven Help Me

This was my jam back in the day! It's Deon Estus, who was bassist for Wham! and later George Michael (who I LOVED when I was a teenager. I'm talking about posters on the wall, people!) In fact, that's George singing background. Deon decided to put out a solo record and unless I am mistaken, this was it's one hit. I remember I recorded this song off of the radio (WZYP in Huntsville, AL). They introduced it as a new George Michael song. I'm sure Deon would have loved that.

Sing it with me...

Heaven help me talk to strangers
Heaven help me over you
I can seem to take these changes
Everything reminds my heart of you

I also love the fact that this video is from Night Tracks. Do you remember that show?? I think it was on TBS on Friday nights. Yep, here 'tis: Night Tracks. I freaking love the internet. Night Tracks is not to be confused with Friday Night Videos which was on ABC. MTV put them both out of business.

Oh, hold the damn phone people.

How Can I Fall

Breathe, 1988. Need I say more?

This video is total late 80's. Ah, another summer day in the city. Some kind of block festival. Stick ball. Girl in hat with puppy (let's call her Susan) flirts with cute stick-ball batter (Rick). Big-haired friend of girl (Gina) is with jerk stick-ball pitcher (Vinnie...who looks strangely like Scott Stapp from Creed). Vinnie gets mad because Rick gets a home run off of one of his pitches. But really Vinnie, you throw like a girl. Vinnie takes his attitude out on Gina, who tries to slap him. Vinnie has had it! He turns over a nearby table and storms off! Of course the block party gets rained out. But Susan and Rick don't care. They dance in the rain. Meanwhile, Vinnie and Gina pout separately. Moral of the story: It's just stickball, for chrissakes.

Check out the lead singer's (Gayer McHomosexual) tight Levi's pulled up to his navel and that tapestry vest! I think I had that very outfit.

No boxes for you!

So, I've been surronded by laptops all week. Blue screens of death, overrheating, bad hard drives...you name it, I've seen it. Yesterday, I was working on 4 laptops at once. I had them spread out all over my office and I kept bouncing back and forth, updating, installing, drop kicking. You know, the usual stuff.

Important point: these laptops were sent to me by employees that work either out of their homes or other branches. So, for each laptop there was a box that each laptop was sent to me in. These aren't any old boxes. They are specially outfitted with preformed styrofoam packaging that protects each precious machine. And I had 4 of them neatly stacked in front of my desk. So, I walk in this morning and noticed that my office looked really neat. Peculiarly so. And I recall yesterday afternoon thinking, "The first thing I'm going to do in the morning is clean this place up!" Then it hit me...my garbage can is empty...housekeeping came! Wait, where are my laptop boxes? That mother-effer threw them away!!! How can you throw away someone's laptop boxes!!! They weren't near the garbage can!!! You don't throw away anything unless it's in or near the garbage can. And if it's near the garbage can, don't throw it away unless it has 'GARBAGE' written on it. Now, I'm going to have to go to Office Depot and buy boxes and bubble wrap so that I can send these back out again!

Why me?

Starbucks..Emphasis on the 'bucks"

$4 for a Grande Iced Mocha? Highway robbery!

And why is it that they make you feel stupid when you order something? I always say:

1 grande iced mocha with whipped cream

And they repeat it back to me, but never in the same order. I've tried to figure it out and order it correctly the next time, but they always just snicker and repeat it back to me a different way. It's like their speaking in snobby highly caffeinated tongues. They say something crazy like:

Mocha grande 1 iced whip!

They don't even say "whipped cream"...it's whip. They are too cool to fully pronounce words.

Bastards.

But I'm halfway through this grande iced mocha (no whip!), and I'm feeling the love. These things should be illegal 'cause I feel like could take on the world right now. Who am I kidding, give me 15 minutes, and I'll crash and be curled up in a fetal position on my desk.

It's A Hurricane...ooh Flossie Flossie

Hurricane Flossie skirted just south of Hawaii last night. This is only blog worthy to me because of the name...Flossie. Everytime I hear it, I think of that Fergie song, Glamorous. No, not the one where she's comparing her lover to her binky, the one that goes like this:

We flyin' first class
Up in the sky
Poppin' champagne
Livin' my life
In the fast lane
But I won't change
For the glamorous
Ooh, the flossy flossy

For those of your who are urban-slang challenged, flossy means flashy or showy. So, you can see where I make the connection. What can we expect next? Tropical Storm FoShizzleMyNizzle? Typhoon BlingBling?

fast food rant

If you know anything about me and my love for the efficiency of fast food...separate orders are a cardinal sin. I effing hate separate orders!!!! If you and your office mates decide to send someone out for McDonald's, total your order, and divide that shit, people. Unless Tammy, the receptionist with the eating disorder, goes crazy with the 2 apple pies for $1, and gets 14, you're not going to be out a whole lot of cash. And if there is just no way around it and separate orders are a must (as in my case), take that shit inside. DO NOT DO SEPARATE ORDERS AT THE DRIVE THRU!! The drive thru is for, "I'll have a #1 with a coke." Period. Next! And no elaborate special orders in the drive thru either. I can handle no pickles. But people get crazy.

Moron: I want a #1 except I don't want onion, tomato, cheese, or meat. Wait, I do want meat but I want the quarter pound patty, not the regular patty. And I don't want salt on my fries. And I want that value-sized, but not the drink. I want a small drink. Orange drink with no ice.

Guess what, sister? YOU DON'T WANT A #1. WHAT YOU ORDERED SHOWS NO RESEMBLANCE TO A #1. YOU JUST INVENTED A NEW COMBO FOR CRACK HEADS...AND TAKE THAT SHIT INSIDE!

And I understand that our fast food workers (God Bless 'em) are not always 100% accurate. I understand the need to check an order. But for the love of all things holy in this great land of ours, keep your self parked and check your order so that if something is missing, you can address the issue promptly. They will probably have you pull around to the front. It's easy! DO NOT PULL HALFWAY OUT OF THE DRIVE THRU LANE TO DISCOVER THAT THEY FORGOT YOUR EXTRA TARTAR SAUCE AND THEN YELL, 'HEY, YOU FORGOT MY TARTAR SAUCE!' I AM ON MY LUNCHBREAK, AND I DRIVE A JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE! THIS THING COULD DIE ANY MINUTE! YOU ARE HINDERING ME FROM GETTING MY LUNCH IN A TIMELY MANNER! TAKE THAT SHIT INSIDE!

I'm so not lovin' it.

1 Degree of Separation

I'm surrounded by the famous folk. Here's the skinny:

They are filming a movie across the street from our house. Making good use of that abandoned gas station by turning it into a redneck-y liquor store. I'm sure our property value with skyrocket when this gem comes out! Sarcasm aside, this movie stars:

Leann Rimes! And can I just say, "Dayyyuuuuuuummmm, Leann grew up!" But wait, there's more. Also starring in this blockbuster:

Dylan...err, I mean Luke Perry! Bitch please, don't act like you didn't watch 90210.

And if the movie stars right outside my house aren't enough, last night at a local Decatur coffee shop, Chris and I spotted none other than:

Chuck Roberts from CNN Headline News! Ok, so I guess you kind of have to a news geek to know who he is. I kept staring at him knowing he was "somebody." He was on his laptop surely working on a breaking news story. Probably on my final famous connection:

The Avondale Estates python! I know what you're thinking, but it's only a matter of time before that snake its popping it's head out of my toilet.