Monday, June 13, 2005

Beat It

The Michael Jackson jury is coming back with their verdict at 4:30 p.m. I predict that they find him guilty on the lesser charges (giving alcohol to a minor, etc.), but will find him not guilty on the big stuff. No jail time...maybe probation.

The whole thing is sad all the way around. Obviously something happened to Michael as a kid to make him the way that he is. The plastic surgery thing is without a doubt a form of self-mutilation. He's probably doing now what was done to him as a child. Not that it excuses his behavior my any means. People have control over their own actions, abuse or no abuse.

I remember him being so cool back in the day. I got the Thriller tape for Christmas and played it over and over again. I remember being scared to watch the video for Thriller because I didn't like it when he was morphing into that werewolf or whatever he was supposed to be and looked up at the camera with those yellow eyes. No, I didn't have the Michael Jackson jacket or the white glove, but I wished that I did.

Side note: I remember this kid at my elementary school who had the white glove and would wear it to the skating rink. You could tell him Mom made it because it was oversized...like two pieces of hand-shaped fabric sewn together covered in sequins. He would probably cringe to know that I remember that. That's ok though...there is a picture out there of me when I was 10 years old...I am wearing paint splattered pants, a panama jack style hat, huge neon sunglasses, and a oversized shirt that says "Choose Wham! on it. Is there any generation that doesn't look back and cringe?

I am craving guacamole. Like CRAVING it. I would love to go to Moe's for dinner, but I have a feeling Chris will nix it. She's not feeling well, and besides, all I ever want to eat is Moe's. I'll admit it...I'm addicted. It's good stuff though. I love how they yell "Welcome to Moe's!" and it sounds like Blue from Blue's Clues: Boh-boh-boh-boooooooohhhhhh! Yeah, I really should get out more often.

Until next time...

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Work...

Work is getting to me. We've got a major deadline Friday (that we are not going to make by the way), and for the past two weeks things have been so crazy. Even without this deadline, I usually have my plate pretty full. I handle two audit states, I handle PC tech support within the company, and I'm the assistant to the regional manager. A very needy, high-maintenance regional manager. And now with this deadline approaching I have also been given the task of performing and reviewing audits (the aforementioned needy regional manager's job). And I have absolutely no business doing either. It's madness...sheer madness, I tell you.

This morning started off badly anyway. I had a revelation about 5 minutes after I left my house this morning that the tank top I was wearing might be a little too revealing for work. That revelation came when I looked down and saw my cleavage staring back at me. I was in a hurry this morning (as I always am) and grabbed something out of the closet that I would stay cool in (see aforementioned reference to hot office). Tank top! Perfect. Cute tank top too...it's actually Chris'. [That's one (of the many) benefits to being in a relationship with another woman...you double your wardrobe.] I grabbed my cell phone to call her:

Chris: Hello?
Me: Do you think that green tank top of yours is appropriate for work?
Chris: Um, No.
Me: Oh God.
Chris: Have you left the house?
Me: Well, yeah!
Chris: It's probably ok.
Me: Are you sure?
Chris: Yeah, I mean, you're wearing a shirt over it, right?
Me: NO!!!
Chris: Oh. It's probably ok.
Me: Oh God.

You get the picture. My fears were confirmed when on my way to work an 18 wheeler passed me on the interstate, and the driver hung his head out the window and laid on his horn. I'm sure it wasn't my chest he was looking at. Maybe he mistook me for the missing girl he has pictured on his mudflaps. :/

On a completely different subject, I thought I had invented a new knock knock joke the other night. Chris and I were on the couch, and I was telling knock knock jokes because I'm that big of a dork. And I came up with a doozy that I had never heard before. And it goes a little something like this:

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch Who?
Gesundheit!

Comedy gold, right? I thought so. I couldn't even make it to the punch line, I was laughing so hard. I was so ecstatic about the possibility of inventing a new knock knock joke, that I ran to computer and googled it. Uh yeah, there were about a million hits. Although, the punch line to most was "Bless You," which I don't think is as funny as Gesundheit. You never want your punch line to rhyme with the set up line. Amateurs.

I got a little nervous that the other joke that I invented when I was 9 may also have already existed. So, I googled it as well, but nothing turned up.

So, let's see what else has happened to me lately. Oh what's that? You want to hear my joke? You're just saying that. Oh, go on. No really, go on! Ok, here 'tis:

Why did the boy hit the girl?
Because he wanted to play soccer.



Give me a break...I was NINE! :/

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

So...

So, it's hot as a mo-fo here. My office gets afternoon sun, so by late afternoon, I'm sweltering. I work in a casual office, so I can wear shorts to work, but I refuse because my legs so very very pale. If I wore shorts the other people in the building would be like, "Oh look, how forward thinking of that company to hire that albino girl." The other thing I don't like about my legs is that I have very skinny ankles. My legs look like inverted fulcrums...very pale inverted fulcrums. If only I could suck the fat that is slowly building around my mid-section and inject it into my ankles. If only...

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

This $&#* is Bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

WTF moment of the week: Was watching TV the other night and saw a commercial for a local ice cream place where you could get 50% off of their banana split if you brought your own banana. :/

Chris and I celebrated our 6th year anniversary last night. We went out to one our all-time favorites, Einstein's in midtown Atlanta. We haven't been there in forever. We used to go more regularly when we were smart and still lived in a sweet little apartment with a midtown view. Now we live in a bungalow fixer-upper with a view of an abandoned gas station. We've traded our dinners at swanky restaurants for the aisles of Home Depot. What were we thinking?

But we had a good time as we always do. We had our beverages of choice: her dirty martini and me, the sweet nectar of the Gods, Coca-Cola (I'm such a lush). We sat and talked and laughed and made fun of other people. We wondered aloud who we thought we might date if we weren't together. While my list consisted of one girl, Chris whipped an Excel spreadsheet out of her back pocket with a list of girls sorted by age, education, and bra size (though not necessarily in that order). Hmmm...maybe I should have gotten her those flowers instead of the bamboo plant she'd been eyeing for the backyard. I admit that I'm not the most romantic person. I'm too practical. But I try. You should have heard how I tried to spin that bamboo plant. I told her that flowers would last only a week or so, but we could plant that bamboo, and year after year we could watch it grow and thrive, just like our love. Yeah, that went over really well. She got a far off look in her eye, as if she were thinking of who else she could add to her "Post-Jennifer Date List."

But in all seriousness, I love that girl, and I am very lucky to have found her. She makes loving fun. After dinner, we took a late night stroll and stopped off for some ice cream. Nothing's too good for my girl. After all, it's 50% off if you bring your own banana.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

The color of the sky as far as I can see is coal gray

I swear if I don't see the sun by tomorrow, I'm climbing up on a crane in Buckhead.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Debut Entry

Feels a little weird introducing me to myself, but since it is remotely possible that others will read this, here it goes:
  • I'm 30 years old.
  • I live with my girlfriend of 6 years and our two cats in metro Atlanta. (Only ITP for me!!!)
  • The above means that I'm gay.
  • I would desribe myself as laid back and able to see the humor in almost any situation. I absolutely love to make people laugh. It comes from being the baby of my family. I can be very reserved, but inside, I'm dying to be the center of attention.
  • I am a coporate lackey. Not really. I work for an auditing firm in Atlanta. My official title is State Coordinator/IT Support. I've been with the company for 5 years. Amazing since I only took the job until something better came along. I'm still waiting.
  • My dream job would be to do this for a living.
  • I often think that my head it too big for my body, and my hair closely resembles the shape of an isosceles triangle.
But enough about me in bullet form, let's talk about me in paragraph form. I can't remember the last time I kept a journal. I think it was when I was in my angst ridden early twenties. I seem to remember re-reading them years later and being completely horrified by how melancholy and depressed I sounded, so I destroyed them. Which was bad, I admit. The whole purpose of a journal is to capture the moments in your life so that you can look back later and say, "Oh, that's who I was 22." You know, now that I think about it, we had to keep a journal in high school. What a colossal waste of time. What teenager is going to write anything remotely introspective when they have to TURN IT IN TO THEIR TEACHER? So stupid. I'm sure I wrote things like:

"Gee, that math quiz was really hard. I sure hope Mr. Cooley goes easy on us."

When what I really wanted to say was:

"God, that girl in my English class is hot."

Who knows how much I will write in this thing. Probably not every day, but we'll see. I may put up some stuff that I've written over the years just for fun. (Whoopee!)

Until next time...