Change I Can't Fit In

If anyone knows any politically active sufferers of anorexia nervosa in need of clothing, I have a nice new Barack Obama t-shirt that needs a new home.

Apparently, when the description indicated "sizes tend to run slightly small," it really meant, "get a large, fatty."

Mocha, Take the Wheel

So, I went to Starbucks this morning. It's my Dancing Goats alternative when I'm Chatta-working. I think I've got the formula down to make the Starbucks version of my signature iced mocha less heinous...only 2 pumps of chocolate vs. the 4 that they normally put in there. I ordered coffee, not a candy bar, people. Anyways, my Chatta-barista tells me that I have been chosen for an online survey and that participation in said survey enters me for a chance to win $1,000. Woot!

Of course, that's the first thing I do when I get to the Chatta-office. Here's the rub...if I'm honest and tell them their coffee tastes like crap and I only get it because there's no Chatta-ternative, I ain't winning no $1,000. It's just like the Publisher's Clearning House sweepstakes. No purchase necessary my ass. You're not getting that $1,000,000 unless you are up to your armpits in Field & Stream and Better Homes & Gardens.

So, as much of a betrayal as it is to my beloved DG...I have to admit that I kissed a little Starbucks ass to get a shot at the $1,000.

I feel so dirty.

I did draw the line however when asked to rate on a scale from strongly agree to strongly disagree whether or not I found my visit to Starbucks "uplifting." (I kid you not.) It's coffee, people, not Opra....er, I mean Jesus.

Random Thoughts...

Walking into Target and realizing that of the 7 items that make up your outfit, 5 were purchased at Target. This is about as cool as wearing your favorite band's t-shirt to their concert. In other words, it's not. Whilst shopping today, I tried to keep moving so people wouldn't think I was a mannequin.

Realizing that even though the new fast food craze is to greet drive-thru customers with, "How are you today?" instead of "Can I take your order?", doesn't really mean that the 16 year-old working the drive thru really wants to know how my day is going nor does she want me to return the favor.

Taco Bell Representative: How are you today?
Me: Just fine, thank you. How are you?
::2 MINUTES OF SILENCE::
Taco Bell Rep: Hello?
Me: Hello?
Taco Bell Rep: ::Exasperated sigh:: Go 'head with your order."

It is true that blaring good music in your headphones and singing along at the top of your lungs into a shampoo bottle make cleaning the bathroom a much more pleasant experience; however, it is worthy to mention that your skiddish puppy dog might not agree. If such behavior is necessary, it is wise to set aside additional time afterwards to explain to the puppy dog that Mama did not say to knock her out, and that I am not required to save the world, let alone in only 4 minutes.