Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Chatta-isms


Most of you blog readers (all 4 of you) know my work situation. But, in the off chance that someone reads this that isn't related to me in some way, let me explain. I began commuting from Atlanta to Chattanooga, TN about 3 weeks ago for my job.

::GASP:: You commute to CHATTANOOGA??? ::GASP::

Get it out of your system, people. Yes, I commute to Chattanooga. I could go through all the reasons why it's not as bad as it seems, but truly, it becomes exhausting. As long as it's ok with me and my girl (and so far, it is), no explanation is needed.

But that little rant isn't the reason for my blog post today. This post is about Chatta-isms. Spending a few days a week in a new city is interesting. Chattanooga isn't all that new to me...I mean, I had been here several times before for work. And even before that Chattanooga was a tourist destination in the Tennessee Valley. The aquarium in downtown (this was before the Atlanta aquarium...you know, the place where the fishes go to die), the Chattanooga choo choo, oh, and Ruby Falls. Ruby Falls, Ruby Falls. You can drive within 500 miles of Chattanooga and see signs for Ruby Falls. Ruby Damn Falls ain't nothing but an underground waterfall with a red light shining on it. But I still bought the bird house with "See Ruby Falls" painted on it.

But I digress.

On to the Chatta-isms, or words/phrases I use to describe my new found home away from home.


  • Chatta-lesbian - Weeble wobbles who sleep with other weeble wobbles, wear long shorts, and sport their Vols hat backwards. I saw a couple in Target the other day. They looked at me as if to say, "What are you lookin' at straighty?" I took offense. Who says a lesbian can't pull off an argyle cardigan?

  • Chatta-Moe's - The best damn Moe's on the planet. I've been twice and am VERY impressed. Also impressive is the fact that the employees are caucasian females. It has been my experience that the closer you are in ethnicity to the food you are preparing, the better the food will be. (Racist? I don't think so.) So, I was worried to see young white female teenagers about to prepare my Unanimous Decision. (Side note: can Moe's make up their damn minds about what they want to call a vegetarian taco? 'Cause I just got Ugly Naked Guy memorized, and they changed it! Hey, I know, hows about calling it a VEGETARIAN TACO. Geesh.) But, much to my surprise, the food was outstanding. White girls hooked it up, mmmm-KAY?

  • Chatta-hobby - what I need to get. Currently, it's shopping. And that's bad. The area I'm in has a mall about 100 feet from the office, and a new Target, Wal-Mart, and Old Navy just down the road. Hmmm, should I sit in the room and watch TV....or go shopping?

  • Chatta-fuel-ga - yeah, that's a bit of a stretch. But gas is cheaper here, and I could kick myself that I didn't fill up yesterday when it was $3.59/gallon. It jumped up to $3.67 today. BASTARDS! People, that's $1.20 right down the ol' drain. Which brings me to:

  • Chatta-highway-robbery - The $2.50 I spent on a Baby Ruth and a Coke last night at the hotel vending machine. That's ok, I make up for it by stealing all the little shampoos, conditioners, body wash, lotions, note pads, pens, Bibles, towels, remote controls, wall art, Please Do No Disturb signs, and wall mounted hair driers. Bolt cutters come in handy.

  • Chatta-nental-breakfast - I have yet to experience the breakfast at the hotel. I walk by it every morning and think, I should get something, it's free! But I don't. This morning, I decided against it because there were a bunch of boys in there. I would guess that they were part of the Kleenex sponsored racing team (I saw the big trailer parked in the parking lot last night)...they just had that racing look. And I had two laptops with me, so I couldn't very well juggle 2 laptops, a bowl of frosted flakes, a banana, a cereal bar, a cup of strawberry yogart, and apple juice. Maybe next time.

I will be adding to this list as I experience more of The Scenic City (the official nickname...needs work, I think.)


Your humble Chatta-blogger.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

My Latest Business Venture

1 Lesbian & A Jeep Office Movers
Um, yeah, I have my own tools. Duh.