Snakes & Gas Grills

Yeah, I know it's been awhile, but hey...the magic comes when the magic comes, people. And oh, did the magic come this weekend.

Backyard Fun or the Hand of the Devil? You decide!

So first, I almost killed my girlfriend with a gas grill. We were grilling out Sunday night making one of Rachael Ray's 30 minute meals from Episode 1501 titled Sounds Appetizing. The night before, the grill got wet, so when I went to fire it up Sunday, it was a no go. I tried to light it several times with the igniter button...nothing. I kept turning the gas off so that it wouldn't build up, when out walks Chris.

Chris: What's going on?

Me: I can't get the grill to light.

Chris: I'll be right back.

She comes back with a book of matches. Let me just say...gas scares me. I don't like it. Yes, it's more convenient that charcoal, but I don't like it. We have a gas stove in our house. Again, I don't like it. So, I said, "you need to use this little wand thingy." It's a metal rod attached to the grill that you can put the match on so that you are standing AT A DISTANCE when you put the lit flame near the flammable gas. Either she didn't hear me or didn't care. Because I turned on the gas, she lit a match, and I begin to form the thought...this isn't such a good idea...when WOOOOOOOOOOOF! Fireball engulfs Chris. I turn away, then collect myself and run up to her repeating the frantic, "Are you ok, Are you ok?" only to see the hair from her arm, eyelashes, and top of her head have been singed. We're not talking Michael Jackson Pepsi commercial circa 1984, but it was scary nonetheless. I blame myself because I know better than to do that! Anxiety breeds extreme safety, people. To avoid such tragedies in the future, I am currently looking on Ebay to find a fire-proof suit for our next stint at outdoor grilling.

Second, as I type this, there is a 75-80% chance that there's a 7 foot python hanging out in our crawl space. And I'm sure he isn't this cute...

Last night I was watching the evening news, when they teased a story about a 7 foot boa constrictor spotted in a local Atlanta neighborhood. Ha ha, I thought, sucks to be you! So, I stick around to hear the rest of the story. The polished news lady says, "There is a 7 foot boa constrictor on the loose in Avondale Estates." My ears perk because Avondale Estates is not that far from us. So apparently, the snake is approximately 7 feet long and as big around as a thigh...not a chicken thigh, but like a burly man thigh. They were interviewing kids asking what they would do if they saw this snake. Most said they would run and scream, but you gotta love the one boy who said he would smack it in the head with a shovel. I joked with Chris that I thought we were okay unless the snake found it's way to Memorial and hung a right. Ha Ha...look at me, I'm witty. Well, today, I started thinking about Mr. Boa Constrictor, so I went to ajc.com and started reading:

Avondale's breakaway boa constrictor might not be a boa after all. The sneaky snake, spotted in the DeKalb County town last week, is more likely to be a Burmese python, one expert says.

Comforting, really.

[Mr. Python] was seen in a wooded area off Dartmouth Road near Forrest Hills Elementary School. Three workers searched a several acre-sized area for about three hours Friday, but turned up nothing.

Wait, did that say Forrest Hills Elementary? We live in Forrest Hills. I did a frantic google map search, and Forrest Hills Elementary is a whopping .8 miles from our house. Some reverse directions reveal that all Mr. Python would have to do is head south on Forrest Blvd. for 121 ft, Turn Right and proceed on N. Carter Road for .7 miles, and make another right onto Columbia Drive for .1 miles before arriving at his destination AKA our house. And if he takes MARTA, we're screwed.